I wish I could say "eyes on the horizon" but I have no idea what is on the horizon and I do not dare to imagine what that should consist of...I work hard on my various projects and chances come up, but I am too petrified to hope for any outcomes as I know by now that, in general, nothing comes of those chances. Still I dutifully follow up until I am told again that I am/what I do is not suitable.
I am not being negative here, I am simply speaking of past experience. I am refusing to believe that this will necessarily repeat itself, I am willing myself to have faith that something will come of all this, and I am committing myself to preparing myself for and following up on any opportunities that arise...
I am gonna try keep things as close to my own style as possible though, as that is the only way in which I can sustain interest and courage, and be willing to suffer losses where it wouldn't have worked for me anyway...I am getting good feedback but as they say, "Now show me the money!" Or at least a means of getting closer to making my own living.
I have so much to do right now, there do not seem to be enough hours in the day to do all that I ideally should be doing...there is organising the Club Night with Vincent and Lorena, there is practising my mixing, developing my mixing, practising my piano, practising using Logic and writing songs (not happening at all but at least my class is starting up soon), there is theatre book reading to enhance my classes, there is publicising my classes, organising my classes, there is meditation practice (which I have been sticking to quite faithfully), there is keeping a journal (which is disgracefully sporadic), there is reading for enjoyment (which I am loving at the moment), there is listening to new music for DJing (very difficult as my computer very mysteriously refuses to speak to my iPod and it's better for me to wait till I go to Glasgow to get it looked at...), there is keeping up with correspondence, there was going to be brushing up on my German and Russian (which hasn't happened at all!)
And I still like to see my good friends amidst all that....And of course there is sleeping, which for some reason is sheer heaven at the moment. Since getting my homeopathic remedy, and in a strange way, since enjoying the Vampire books so much, my dreams have been so vivid and I have been sleeping so well. My room is a little bit warmer and my bed so cosy!
So what's happening? Well there are the possibilities of a couple of DJ gigs here in Galway - though the scene is so cliquey and depressing and unfriendly and backwards - though you have to chase people with the ferocity of a pit-bull in order to get them to come back to you at all - though I am not sure if there is an outlet for the type of music I play, even though it is fashionable anywhere else in the world! All I can do is keep trying...maybe it would be almost better to wait till I get to Berlin, so I have no reason to get too attached to this place.
I've recorded a few sets - a bar one which is nice, but kinda specific to a bar so not exactly setting me on fire - and then another one called "Valhalla By Twilight" which is a very beautiful slow-building deep and brooding tech house into techno mix and which I think is the best thing I've ever done. It's been getting alot of comments on Music V2 - one guy said it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard, this London girl DJ said she'd love to mix with me sometime (really sweet but I am so slow to get my hopes up!) and another guy is putting it in a music review as he liked it so much.
Strangely enough, Lorena was a little disparaging of it, saying the mixing is perfect but it "doesn't have enough breaks" and "doesn't make her want to get on the dancefloor". I thought this was a bit odd, considering she was saying my other mixes "weren't progressive in style" and that it's clearly a chillout mix. Not all mixes are for dancing. I know she didn't mean it badly, it was just her Argentinian bluntness. but if she wants to hear a dancefloor mix she can go and record it herself instead of telling me what I should be doing.
I take it as an opportunity to gain independence from her opinion. As she was my first teacher, I relied on her opinion alot, now it's time to stand on my own two feet and not be held back. It was the first mix where I felt I was really finding my own style and I am very very proud of it. Nearly everyone else loved it too! Lewis said you could put any major DJs name on it and sell it as a commercial release...
Then there is the chance of being signed with a good agent in Scotland, I think they might possibly be the best. I was recommended to them by a director I had worked with and he told me that they were interested and to send my stuff to them. Unfortunately I don't have any headshots here in Ireland and I certainly need to get new ones done and I can't do that until my hair has grown out a couple more inches so it can be cut into a more classic bob. So I emailed them with my updated CV, an older headshot and a theatre still. It was just before Christmas so I didn't expect them to get it for a while and I waited till the start of January to call them.
When I did the lady seemed very polite although she was very busy. She said she had just got back to the office and hadn't got through all the email yet and to resend it and she would speak to me soon. I told her I was in Ireland just now but in between Galway and Glasgow and she seemed to think that was cool. She seemed to know who I was when I said and said she would call me. So about a week ago I re-emailed the stuff and left it for now. No word. Not that I am worried...I just am so used to everything being a dead end that I am not very optimistic. And I am not sure how to follow up. Surely if she was interested she'd call me? I guess she was interested when Zam spoke about me but when she saw my headshot she thought "I can't get this girl work"!!!
The classes are ok, I did flyering this week and though many of my old students are coming back, I am slower to get phone calls from new ones. Could be something to do with the ole recession I guess...
I'm not down about all this. I just hope things don't follow the previous dead-end fashion. I'm going to commit extra hard to follow things through just to encourage change from my end.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Not pessimistic at all! :-)
You’re wise not to attach too much hope to the details of what waits for you on the horizon or you might risk making the error of getting preoccupied with the finer points of your vision and miss the grand prize when it presents itself (‘But that free Maserati ain’t salmon pink!’); in other words, chasing after what you imagine the horizon to contain, when God has imagined something infintely more appropriate. I understand why you would want to ‘keep your eyes on the ground’, and not be disappointed as you may have been in the past,. Nevertheless you still need to maintain a clear notion of where (and perhaps just as importantly the reason why) you are walking towards that horizon of yours. More and more opportunities will keep arising the more you remember this, Sarah, and keep plugging away. What’s for you won’t go by you, as the Glaswegians always say. Even if visualising riches may not produce the longed-for lottery win, God will gift you with something essentially similar and perhaps even better than any lottery could produce- e.g. emotional security, enrichment of your spirit, a wealth of love and inner joy- yes, even as you may stay overdrawn at the bank! In other words there are gifts you may already have without realising, or just forgotten to be grateful for! You have your talents, you are pursuing your art, your unique soul path, knowing you have at the very least the security of living under your mum’s roof and your warm, cosy room! OK, it isn’t independence, and yeah there are snags and irritations at ground level- there always are-; but I would hazard a guess that at heart you don’t actually need independence right now.
Don’t expect things are going to lead to “dead-ends” simply because they have in the past, otherwise you’ll ensure you keep walking down cul-de-sacs. As Henry Ford once said: “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right”.
You’ve begun 2009 in a burst of enthusiasm and activity (no doubt fed by all that prana gained from daily meditation!) and there are hints that the breaks are coming already as you channel your energies into creating opportunities. Cling to the promise that sooner or later you are bound to win through if you rely on God’s assurance of help and protection. He only appears to let us down when He doesn’t give us what we want, because (mercifully!) He prefers to give what our souls really require. Your composing, reviews, gigs, the classes, the chance of representation, the move to Berlin… so much to be excited and grateful for right now. Your future’s full of wonderful possibilities, Sarah, which to me sounds a lot like what most folk would call ‘happiness’!! :-)
No, your blog wasn’t anywhere near as pessimistic as I’d expected!
x
Post a Comment